Hurry Up, Quack, Quack!

Ok, I'm back on The Amazing Race Bus after a brief hiatus. This season has all the components I need to be instantly hooked: best friends, horrible couples just minutes from breaking up, couples who have been dating for about two minutes, fathers and daughters and The Gays. (I can write that. I’m a Friend of the Gay.) One thing that has changed is that teams can be booted off at any point in the trip for being in last place, not just at a Pit Stop.

I can’t be bothered to care about all the teams this early in the game, so here are my early favorites.

Team Kentucky: Oh, for crying out loud. I love love LOVE these two. I love it that our collective assumption is that backwoodsy Appalachians are small-minded, homophobic, wife beaters (or is that just MY small-minded assumption?), and then CBS goes and proves us wrong! Team Kentucky was polite, supportive of each other (particularly when Kentucky Husband tells his wife their kids will be proud of her for scaling the Great Wall of China), supportive of other teams and supportive of The Gays (am I the ONLY one who heard Kentucky Wife say “Hi Ladies!” to The Gays?. HiLARious.) And then Kentucky Wife went and uttered my favorite line EVER to a Chinese taxi driver…..”HURRY UP, QUACK QUACK!” It’s like she and I speak the same language.

Team India: They seemed like they have a really strong relationship and I love to see couples who don’t verbally and physically abuse each other on national TV, a la Victoria and Jonathan. Plus Fiancé thought Arti is really pretty, which she totally is. Oh wait. They are already out. Team India, we shall miss you.

Team Gay: Just cuz they are such girls and they say all the right Gay things.I hope they keep hanging out and doing cheers with Team Spirit.

Here’s who I CANNOT STAND:

Team Rehab: Oh, please. My good friend Kenneth and I were discussing that “they were probably jazzed up on Tina” for a weekend and decided that it would be, like, so hot for their careers to go 12-stepping. Bored now. Moving on.

Team Peg Leg (Look, I never said I wasn’t going straight to hell, ok?): All I’m saying is that if girlfriend can run to get to the plane (not to mention run a triathlon) she should not be playing the invalid card to get special boarding privileges. Although, points back for stating that “she’s leaking hydraulic fluid.”

Team Let’s Take This To The Next Step (LTTTTNS): Haven’t we been here before? Haven’t we met these two already? In the form of a former beauty pageant queen and a POW who broke up in an airport on national television? Look kids, if you are having doubts about your relationship…..going on TV, getting very little sleep, eating next to nothing and getting dropped in the middle of a 3rd World country with no money is NOT going to provide any clarity. Just don’t do it. Break up over email…..like the rest of us, ok?

Yeah, I have no actual commentary on the show. That’s not what I’m here for.